Words Cannot Describe
by Rose Stetson
Summary: Companion to Things Aren't Always As They Seem. Jack writes a poem about Sam in stages.
1. Solitude

"_**Words Cannot Describe"  
Companion to "Things Aren't Always as They Seem"**_

_**Set after "Solitudes" in Season 1**_

Jack sat awake in the infirmary while all around him slept. He'd been a dreadful insomniac for years, and now his insomnia was magnified by his contemplations about his confinement in Antarctica.

His mind was still reeling with the idea of a second Earth-based Stargate, but it wasn't the method in which he got to Antarctica that he was contemplating, it was the woman that had been with him.

He looked over at Samantha. She would most likely be discharged tomorrow, but he would be confined to his bed for a few more days while his broken leg and internal injuries continued to heal properly.

He sighed. Life just wasn't fair, was it?

However, he was grateful that Samantha was lying there in the cot near his, sleeping. He was able to study her features more clearly that way.

Ever since he had met her at the beginning of his long-term tenure with the SGC, he had not been able to remove her from his thoughts. But, it was their stay in Antarctica that had really placed her foremost in his thoughts. And he couldn't get her out of his head!

The idea of facing death had caused a bittersweet tenderness to envelope their interaction while fighting for survival. He struggled to remember what had happened before Daniel, Teal'c, General Hammond and other SGC airmen found them. Had he said something while in a state of delirium that would cause Sam to think differently- positively or negatively- about him?

He watched her for a little while longer. Suddenly, he felt inspired to write something. He debated whether or not he should, but in the end he reached for one of the napkins nearby and searched for a pen or pencil. There was one on the side of the desk, just ten feet away from him. It was taunting him, begging him to defy orders once more and leave his bed.

He caved in, as he usually did, and sat up. He swung one leg off the bed, and gently laid his broken leg near it. Thankfully, it was in a cast now, not just that blasted splint that Carter had placed on it.

He smiled to himself. Funny, when she was in his thoughts as the woman he cared for, she was Samantha. However, if she was the soldier that he fought alongside, she was Carter. There was no 'Sam' to him.

He hobbled over to the desk. Just then, Dr. Janet Fraiser walked in. "Colonel O'Neill!" She reprimanded, harshly.

"Sorry, Doc, I just wanted to grab this pen. It was bugging me."

She looked at him without any sympathy. "That's a likely excuse! Colonel O'Neill, a writer!"

He looked in his hand. He had the blasted pen now. "Sorry, Doc. I just was feeling a little stiff."

"Colonel, it is two-thirty in the morning!"

He shrugged. "I couldn't sleep."

Janet raised one eyebrow. "Why didn't you call me?"

"Well, I was enjoying a moment of quiet."

"Just go to bed, Colonel. I swear, you're as bad as a kid who doesn't want to go to bed. Fortunately, I have just the thing for your 'insomnia.'"

She reached into her pocket and pulled out a small bottle of sleeping pills.

"Aw, Doc, come on. I won't do it again!"

"Colonel, this is the fourth time tonight alone that you've gotten out of your bed! Do you really think that I believe you're not going to do it again?"

Jack's eyebrows shot up. "How'd you know?"

She pointed to the security camera. "I stay up all night and watch those tapes, just so that you get the rest you need. Now, please go back and lie down."

He hobbled back onto the bed. Before he accepted the pills though, he looked at his napkin. "Doc, can I take those in ten minutes?"

She looked at him. "No, you may take them now."

"How long before they work?"

"Half an hour, tops."

He set his hand before her, his palm open toward her. "Okay."

She handed him a drink of water and the pills. She continued standing there while he took them. "All right. I'll be back in a half-hour. If you're not asleep when I get back, I'll know you didn't take them."

He shook his head, grumpily. "I took them, Doc, okay?"

"We'll see."

She walked back into her office, and Jack reached for the pen and napkin. Within ten minutes, he had penned only four lines, but his eyes grew heavy, his mind cloudy, and he stared at the words.

_The deep, blue pools of her eyes  
Are the oceans that drown me.  
The sun in the Eastern skies  
Is dull compared to her beauty._

Finally, when he could keep his eyes open no longer, he fell into a dreamless sleep.

Janet did indeed walk in later. She looked at Jack who still clutched the pen in his hand. Than, she glanced at the paper. A gasp arouse from her throat as she realized that Jack had written these lovely words in the short time before he fell asleep.

She left him undisturbed, and looked over at Sam. A smile played on her patient's lips. It was a similar smile that lingered on Jack's. Janet's eyes softened with the thought that perhaps their imprisonment in Antarctica had been a blessing in disguise.


	2. Knowledge

_Set after "A Matter of Time"_

* * *

Jack's brain was swimming, trying to grasp the concept of Einstein's Theory of Relativity.

"Since you reported for duty yesterday, two weeks has gone by…" Daniel had said.

"It kept repeating through his mind, taunting his ignorance of scientific theories.

"Janet, I'm fine! All I want to do is conduct a few simple experiments with the shipment of naquadah that SG-10 brought back from P2X…"

Jack chuckled as the petite doctor shook her head at Sam's request.

"Write down a few notes about our last experience with the Theory of Relativity?"

"Nope." Came Janet's firm reply.

"Just write down the experience in my journal?" She begged.

"Sam, you're being treated for minor injuries and exhaustion!" Janet said, exasperated. "I want you to concentrate on relaxing! SG-1 is on leave for a REASON!"

Jack tried to suppress a chuckle as Sam began to pout. "I wasn't going to do anything strenuous."

"Just save the world a few more time, huh?" Janet said, dryly.

Sam grinned, sheepishly. "Funny how that always seems to happen..." She said, limply.

"Carter, stay in bed. That's an order." Jack found himself muttering.

She turned her wounded puppy look to him, and he had to restrain himself from overriding his own order.

"Carter, we'll play some word games to keep your mind sharp."

She looked at him, skeptically.

"It's simple. I'll say a word, then you have to say a word that starts with the letter that ends my word." He said, matter-of-factly.

"Okay," she said, hesitantly.

"It has to be at least two syllables long. And your reaction time counts. The first person to screw up, loses."

"Okay."

J: "Theatre."

S: "No fair, there are two ways to spell that."

J: "Sorry…eyelash."

S: "Happy."

J: "Yesterday."

S: "Yapping."

J: "Glamorous."

S: "Simpleton."

Jack looked at her, a mockingly pained look on his face. "Never."

S: "Retracted."

J: "Dangerous."

The glint in her eye returned. "Simpleton."

Jack smacked his hand on his forehead. "I forgot to mention that you can't use the same word twice."

S: "Sacrifice."

J: "Extrapolate."

S: "Eliminate."

J: "Eradicate."

S: "Extra."

J: "Aerodynamic."

"Nice one," came Janet's voice from the other room.

S: "Characterization."

J: "Naturalism."

S: "Monotonous."

J: "Snakehead."

"That's not a real word!" Sam protested.

"But what if it was?" Jack asked.

S: "Despicable."

J: "Lovely."

Sam smiled. "You lose! Despicable ends with an 'e' not an 'l.'"

Jack groaned. "Dang it!"

"So, what does the winner get?" Sam asked with a childish grin on her face.

"A piece of cake at the commissary when you convince Doc Fraiser to let me out of here."

Sam scrunched up her face. "You just wanted to get on Janet's good side?"

"Do you think it worked?"

She shook her head, chuckling. "Can I play your gameboy?"

He looked at her. "What?"

"I want to play Tetris."

Jack chuckled and passed the gameboy over. As she feverishly tried to eliminate the rows in the game, he reached for his pad of paper. Some words for his poem were running through his head.

_Knowledge drives her passion  
Like gasoline fuels my truck,  
Propelling her through the vast expansion  
Of space, but she rarely gets stuck._

Sam, who had paused between games, looked at her CO. He was concentrating really hard. "Sir, what are you working on? Word search or crossword puzzles?"

"Neither. I'm trying to figure out the definitions of half of the words you just said."

She chuckled, and Jack quickly changed the sheet on his notepad. He began mindlessly doodling while he thought about his second-in-command: the woman he wanted to spend the rest of his life with, the woman that he couldn't bear to be rejected by.

* * *

_Sorry it's been so long since I posted...I've been in the opera and updating my dozen or so other stories...check them out, if you haven't read them already..._

_Love getting reviews...Keep them coming._


	3. Feelings

_Here's the next chapter...it's a little different than the other ones, but it's mostly because as I was writing the poem, it took a different turn. I hope you enjoy the outcome...

* * *

_

SG-1 took one of days' leaves and taken Cassie to the zoo. Cassie, still somewhat shy, clung to her. This left the guys able to watch Sam's maternal magic. And, while Daniel and Teal'c noticed it, they were not as attentive to it as Jack found himself.

He was enchanted by the side of her personality that she showed when she was around Cassie. It was completely opposite from the hardness of her military exterior.

He loved how much more relaxed she seemed to be in jeans and a t-shirt than BDUs. Having a child as a companion also helped her relax. Though he found her attractive in uniform, he felt it was a shame that he didn't get to see her more relaxed more often.

"Jack, what did you think of the penguins?" Cassie asked, excitedly.

He couldn't help but smile at her enthusiasm. "I think they look like waiters at fancy restaurants."

"I've never been to a fancy restaurant." Cassie said, matter-of-factly.

"Well, I'm sure you'll go to one someday." Sam said.

An idea popped into Jack's head. "We never officially celebrated your adoption, did we?"

Cassie looked confused. "You got me a dog."

The adults chuckled.

"Yes, I did, Cassie, but one thing that we didn't do was go out for dinner at a fancy restaurant." Jack said.

"Really?" Cassie said, getting excited.

"Sir..." Sam warned.

"If it's okay with your mom, maybe we can go to a fancy restaurant in a few days."

"All of us?" Cassie asked, skeptically.

"Of course." More for the others' benefit, he added. "My treat."

Later that night, Jack reached for his leather-bound journal. He turned to one of the pages that was only partially filled up. He took his pen and chewed the lid. His poem would take on a different tone, and he wondered if it would be appropriate, but he finally opened the floodgates of his heart and the words poured onto the page.

_Overtures of tenderness  
Are followed by themes of asperity,  
But still, I desperately long to caress  
Her lips, those plains of simmering sensuality._

He thought back to their adventures earlier that afternoon, after he had ended the poem. As they had ended their excursion to the zoo, Jack had noticed with a smile that Sam had gotten sunburned. Then, he had swallowed in feverish anticipation as he looked subconsciously at her lips. They had also been slightly sunburned, just enough to make them _very_ sensual, almost driving him crazy with passion.

When he had returned home, he had been forced to his notebook with the thoughts that plagued his mind. He found it much easier for his psyche to process his immense desire for Samantha if he did so in written word. However, he had only really admitted to himself that he loved her after their entrapment in Antarctica. He chuckled. How many times had he sworn that he hated Antarctica since their return? Well, it was only half-true. While he wouldn't choose it as a vacation spot, he would always hold a strangely tender spot for it in his heart.

He shook his head. If only his team members could look into his mind. He wasn't as stupid as he made himself seem. In fact, he held two honorary doctorates for his poetry and novels. He hadn't ever written about his missions, but he had written a few bestsellers...

Inwardly, he wondered if Sam had ever read any of his things. He wondered if she liked them if she had read them. Of course, he had a pseudonym, and so he could easily find out by slipping one of his novels into her Christmas present...

He ran his hand through his short hair. It was time for him to do something more masculine than this...he was about ready to call and resign from the Air Force and beg Samantha to marry him...that probably would never happen, but if it did, it would happen much later.

And so, he turned on ESPN, grateful that the Hockey Playoffs had just begun.


	4. I Need To Know

_Sorry it's been so long…the muse, I tell you…she's working, but not on this stuff! I finished the poem, and hopefully, within the next few days, I'll finish the story. Well, here goes.

* * *

_

It was Christmas time. And Jack still didn't know what to get Carter for Christmas. Last time they'd had a team night, he had checked on the books…but she had them all!

Don't tell me she's a fan, he thought. I'm not sure I could handle that.

He walked past a jewelry store, and he was tempted to go in. He closed his eyes. No…there were still Air Force regulations, and he didn't want her to get the wrong idea. But then, he saw it…it was too perfect. The pendant of a shooting star. He had to do it. He had to get it for her. There was no other option because everything else would be second best.

So, he went in and bought it.

Now, he sat at his desk, staring at the velvet jewelry box, wondering if it was inappropriate. After all, he was her commanding officer. But I want to be so much more, he thought.

He took out his trusty pencil and paper.

_I'd rarely been scared  
'Til I realized I loved her,  
I wish that she cared,  
Then, I would retire._

There would be more to the poem, it was floating to the surface of his mind, but he would wait until after he had given her the necklace. Then, he would know.

It was Christmas Eve, and as he stared at the snow falling gently outside his window, he realized there would be no sleeping until he knew.


	5. Words Cannot Even Begin To Describe

_Here's the last chapter…maybe an epilogue…I don't know!

* * *

_

Christmas Day was spent at Jack's house, and the team placed their gifts under the tree in his living room. Then, they chatted and made small talk for a few moments while the whole team arrived. But when Daniel arrived (two hours late, mind you!) with his excuse that the weather had forced the freeway near his home to be closed, and that he had taken a less familiar route to Jack's house, the gang was more than ready to open the gifts that had collected under the tree.

It all started with Teal'c. He opened his gift from Daniel which was another Star Wars book. "Much gratitude to you, Daniel Jackson." He said, tilting his head.

Then, he opened Jack's gift. A set of Star Wars action figures. "I thank you, O'Neill."

"No problem, Teal'c."

Then, he opened Sam's gift. His face, though usually expressionless, held a certain sentiment. In fact, the Jaffa almost looked like he was going to cry.

"What is it, T?" Jack asked.

"I can't see, Jack." Daniel said, trying to move around the imposing figure of Jack O'Neill.

"It is the collection of songs by the Tau'ri called Enya. I find that her music helps me to better kelnoreem." Teal'c said. "Thank you, Major Carter. I am forever in your debt."

She smiled. "Sure thing, T. But you're no more in my debt than I am in yours."

"Okay! It's Danny's turn!" Jack yelled, diving for the tree.

Sam grimaced. "Sir, are you sure you should be doing that? I mean you did just dislocate your knee the other day."

"Ah…I knew I was forgetting something," Jack said, as he grimaced in pain. He held his knee. "Okay, Danny. Since I've sacrificed myself for you, you have to open mine first!"

Daniel laughed. "Okay."

Meanwhile, Sam stood up. "Sir, I'll go get you some ice for that knee."

"Isn't any." Jack said.

"Not even a medically certified ice pack?" She asked.

"Okay, maybe there's that." He replied.

"I'll be right back."

Daniel opened the package to find a Harry Potter trivia book. "Now, you'll be able to bother me with useful information." Jack grunted.

"Sir, do you have any frozen vegetables?" Carter continued.

"Oh for crying out loud, Carter, I'm fine. And no, I don't have any frozen anything…in fact, I don't have any food."

"I noticed." She yelled back.

"Why do you need frozen vegetables?"

"Because they're a good substitute for ice packs." She responded.

"It is time for Daniel Jackson to open my gift to him." Teal'c said, reaching for a colorful package.

He took the wrapping paper off, and just looked at Teal'c with a look of immense pleasure.

"What is it, Daniel?"

"It's a Goa'uld-English dictionary." Daniel said.

"You're kidding, right?"

"I'm dead serious." Daniel said, showing the book to Jack.

"Oh for crying out loud."

Meanwhile, Sam had been distracted by the leather-bound journal that lay open on the table. She wasn't surprised to see it here, after all, she'd already come across it before. No, she was more surprised to see the contents of the page than anything.

_The deep, blue pools of her eyes  
Are the oceans that drown me.  
The sun in the Eastern skies  
Is dull compared to her beauty._

_Knowledge drives her passion  
Like gasoline fuels my truck,  
Propelling her through the vast expansion  
Of space, but she rarely gets stuck._

_Overtures of tenderness  
Are followed by themes of asperity,  
But still, I desperately long to caress  
Her lips, those plains of simmering sensuality._

_I'd rarely been scared  
'Til I realized I loved her,  
I wish that she cared  
Then I would retire._

_But instead, I'll stay here  
Her CO; I'll be true,  
'Til my thoughts she can hear:  
"Samantha, I Love you!"_

She took a deep breath. "Carter, it's your turn to give Daniel his present!" Jack yelled from the other room.

"I'm coming." She whispered, unable to really speak.

Finally, she stopped staring at the page, composed herself and went back into the room. "Sir, you were right, there's absolutely no ice in this house. However, I filled one of the ice trays, so there should be ice in…about an hour or two."

He nodded. "Thanks."

"No problem." She said, still slightly dazed.

"Here, Daniel." She said, as she handed the package to him.

He opened it and grinned. "This is AWESOME!"

"What is it, Danny?"

"It's Wormhole X-Treme Season 1!"

He groaned. "Oh, Carter, you really didn't have to fuel his obsession with that awful Sci-Fi show that I refuse to name! Did you?"

She smiled. "Well, sir. You have the Simpson's, he has Wormhole X-Treme."

"Yeah…what she said!" Daniel said, taking a swig of his beer.

"Didn't I say we're never giving that to him again?" Jack asked, looking at Sam.

She shrugged. "I guess he snuck it in."

"Okay, it's your turn, Carter." Jack announced after a brief pause.

"No, sir. I was first last year, so I'm last this year…it's your turn." She corrected.

"Oh…" He said, taking a deep breath of relief.

"Here you are, sir." She said, handing him an envelope.

"An envelope?" He asked.

"You'll see."

Inside were two tickets to the hockey game he'd been wanting to go to for the past few weeks. "Carter?" He asked.

"You've been ranting and raving about the game, and I thought I'd help you out." She said.

"I figured that much out…but why two tickets?" He asked.

"Oh, didn't you know you can only buy tickets in pairs online?"

He shrugged. "Oh, I thought you were saying you wanted to go with me."

"If you were to invite me, I wouldn't say no." She said, still unsure of how he would react.

"Then, I'm officially inviting you."

She smiled. "I'm glad."

"Okay…it's time for Jack to open my present." A slightly tipsy Daniel called, with his impeccable timing.

Jack opened the present to find a notebook. "Okay…" He replied.

"I'm giving you permission to doodle while I lecture, Jack." Daniel clarified.

"Oh…nice to know I have permission."

"Just humor me, Jack."

Teal'c pushed a package in front of Jack. "This is for you, O'Neill."

"It's a staff weapon, right? I've always wanted one of those." Jack said, opening the gift.

"No, it is not." Teal'c replied.

"Okay…" Jack continued to unwrap the gift. "Sweet!" He said, after the wrapping was fully gone from the package. "Simpson's Monopoly!"

Sam shook her head, laughing.

"Now, it's Carter's turn."

Teal'c handed her a package.

"It's Josh Groban's latest CD!" She exclaimed. "Thank you, Teal'c!"

Then, Daniel handed her his package. "It's How to Think Like Einstein: Simple Ways to Break the Rules and Discover Your Hidden Genius!" She said, laughing. "Thanks, Daniel, it's great!"

"For the Female Einstein…may she actually get a Nobel Prize for her discoveries in Science!" Daniel continued, holding up the beer bottle as though giving atoast.

She laughed, more at how Daniel was acting than at his actual words.

"So, I guess it's my turn." Jack said, pulling out the small box.

Her heart started pounding. "Yes, I guess it is."

She could just see the size, and as he handed it to her, she was sure she would find a ring. _Please, let this not be a ring…not yet. I just got over Pete. _She chanted in her mind.

When she saw the pendant, she was almost disappointed that it wasn't a ring, but then she smiled. It was a token of much more…he would wait for her.

"Carter?" Jack asked.

She tried to hide the tears that were spilling onto her cheeks. "Yes, Jack?"

"Are you…" He paused. She had called him Jack. "Sam, are you okay?"

She smiled as she looked into his eyes. "Yes, Jack…for the first time in a very long time, I'm great."

He nodded. "Good."

"What is it, Sam?" Daniel asked, breaking the moment.

"A shooting star…a necklace."

"A necklace, Jack? Jeez, couldn't you have at least given her a ring?" Daniel spouted.

"I will return with Daniel Jackson in a few hours." Teal'c supplied as he grabbed the archaeologist by the shirt collar and walked outside.

"Uh…"

She smiled. "I'm not ready for a ring…not yet."

He looked at her. "Huh?"

"This is perfect." She bit her lip. "I…I saw the poem, Jack."

He closed his eyes. "You did?"

"Yeah…it was beautiful."

"Thanks…" He coughed. "I was going to get you a book, but…"

"One of your books? I have them all…"

He just stared at her. "What?"

"They have your picture on the back, Jack."

"Right…"

"You're my favorite author. But, that's not just because you're my commanding officer."

"Really?"

"It's because you touch me…right here." She said, taking his finger and placing it above her heart.

He swallowed. "I do?" He squeaked.

She smiled. "Jack, do you mind if I kiss you?"

"You thought you needed to ask?" He asked, gaining control once more of his thoughts.

"I didn't think I needed to…" She said, as she tenderly placed her lips over his in a warm kiss.

Jack smiled after that kiss. Oh, words couldn't even begin to describe…and he should know.


End file.
